By using this powerful tool, you can form a meaningful relationship with anyone you like. Based on these relationships, you can get the raise, promotion, sale, contract, friendship, marriage, support or cooperation you need.
“The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations.” -- L. Ron Hubbard
ARC (pronounced as A-R-C, not “ark”) forms the basis for all of your relationships. L. Ron Hubbard discovered the rules and uses of ARC during the 1950s.
Every relationship has three parts:
Affinity: how much you like or love a person
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas
These three parts interact with each other and so form a triangle.
Part 1: How ARC Works
Purdue University did a study a few years ago to determine why some of their graduates succeeded and others did not. After several years of analyzing the success of their engineering students, Purdue came to the following conclusions:
"The average salary of the students with the highest grades was only slightly higher than the average salary of all the graduates. The salaries of the most popular students, the ones with the good personalities, were much higher than the average of all students. Also, their salaries were much higher than the students with the highest grades."
A popular personality is based on ARC. When you have good ARC with people, they understand you, believe in you, trust you, help you and feel good about you. ARC is such a powerful tool that the simple lack of ARC results in upsets, distrust, hatred and attacks.
"Understanding is composed of affinity, reality and communication." -- L. Ron Hubbard
The ARC Triangle gives you a deeper understanding of people. When you truly understand your spouse, children, boss, coworkers, employees, customers, clients, neighbors and friends, you can help them, talk to them, reach more agreements and enjoy their company more than ever before.
You have more ARC for some people than others. For example, you have high ARC with a coworker or colleague if you like the person (Affinity), can talk about many subjects (Communication) and agree on many subjects (Reality). You understand this person and this person understands you.
You probably also know someone with whom you have low ARC. You cannot agree on things (Reality), you do not like the person very much (Affinity) and you do not communicate.
In Part One of this series of articles on ARC, you will learn how you can easily increase your ARC with anyone.
How to Increase ARC with Anyone
"The triangle of affinity, reality and communication could be called an interactive triangle in that no point of it can be raised without affecting the other two points and raising them, and no point of it can be lowered without affecting the other two points." -- L. Ron Hubbard
So all you need to do is decide which point of the triangle you can increase and the other two points automatically rise!
In other words, if you increase the volume or quality of communication you have with someone, you are raising the C point of the triangle. As a result, the A point and the R point both rise. If you simply talk about anything to a person for enough time (C), the person likes you more (A) and agrees with you more (R).
For example, you meet a new fellow at work named Richard and instantly dislike him. Maybe his attitude or appearance rubs you the wrong way. You really don’t want to communicate with him (C) or to agree on any reality with him (R). There is little or no understanding.
However, you decide you need to understand Richard so you can work with him. So you ask yourself, “Which of the three points can I raise?” You decide to work on the C part of the triangle and just start talking to him. “Where did you work before?” “How long have you lived in this area?” “Do you have any kids?”
As a result of your communication, you find out he has three kids about the same age as your kids. You share a reality here and so you chat about children. You find yourself agreeing with Richard. Within a few minutes, you realize you like Richard. You understand each other better than before. You look forward to working with him.
As another example, you want to have more ARC and a better understanding of Stella. Stella could be your boss, an important client, a potential mate or other valuable contact. You currently know little about Stella, but have scheduled to meet with her for lunch.
During lunch, you notice Stella is not talking very much. She rarely looks at you and barely smiles. You realize the Communication point of the triangle is not very good with Stella. The Affinity point is also weak as she does not seem to like you very much. So you decide to raise the Reality point of the triangle. You look for things to agree on. “How do you relax after work?” “What kind of exercise do you like?” “Do you have a vacation coming up?”
Stella mentions she loves sailboats and you happen to be a sailboat fanatic. Because of this shared Reality point of the triangle, you and Stella suddenly have a lot to talk about. After several minutes of sailboat chat, you notice she is smiling at you and you feel a higher level Affinity for her.
As a final example, you want a better relationship with your spouse. You have not been talking very much lately and seem to disagree more often than before. You decide to increase the Affinity point of the triangle in your marriage.
Before you go home, you decide to just feel more Affinity. You think of all the things you like about your spouse. After a few minutes, your mood improves and you look forward to going home.
At home, you give your spouse a big smile. You hug and kiss your spouse. At first, he or she is a little shocked, but soon starts to return the affection and your Affinity point rises. You talk about your day’s events (C) and agree (R) on your plans for the evening. Your ARC Triangle is higher than it has been for a while.
This is the power of ARC. With this knowledge, you can rehabilitate or create a wonderful relationship with anyone.
Recommendations
1. Write down something you want. Do not limit yourself to money or physical objects, but consider new opportunities, powerful contacts, new or deeper friendships, contracts or deals, promotions, projects you want to do and so on.
2. List the names of people who can help you get it.
3. Decide which point of the triangle you can increase with each person: Affinity, Reality or Communication.
4. Increase that one point with each person until the other two points of the triangle increase.
5. Continue to increase your ARC Triangle with each person until you reach your objective.
In future articles, we will cover more ways you can use this powerful tool to form friendships with strangers, become a better leader, negotiate better deals, increase your success at work, improve your marriage and boost your self confidence.
What Makes You Happy?
What makes you satisfied and content? Why do you get bored? Where is the joy in life?
"Happiness could be defined as the emotion of progress toward desirable goals. There is an instant of contemplation* of the last goal in which one is content. But contentment becomes boredom immediately that new goals do not come to view. There is no more unhappy thing than a man who has accomplished all his ends in life." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*contemplation = thoughtful observation; meditation)
Let's examine three parts of this definition.
1. "There is an instant of contemplation of the last goal in which one is content."
Think of goals you have reached in the past. How did you feel right after your wedding? When you got your first job? When you graduated from school?
Take a fast second to contemplate the last goal you reached. Perhaps you now feel content?
2. "But contentment becomes boredom immediately that new goals do not come to view."
For example, planning a vacation is exciting. But toward the end of a vacation many people are bored as they no longer have a goal.
Arguments during honeymoons are common, if the newlyweds do not set goals for their marriage.
Planning your retirement and the first day of retirement is a thrill. But the joy of freedom quickly turns to boredom and early death if you do not work on new goals.
"There is no more unhappy thing than a man who has accomplished all his ends in life."
Think of a time you were very bored. Had you completed a major goal without starting a new one?
3. "Happiness could be defined as the emotion of progress toward desirable goals."
We can use this definition to understand unhappiness as well. When were you last unhappy?
In each case, you probably
1) had no goal,
2) were trying to reach an undesirable goal, or
3) you were making no progress toward a goal.
Making yourself happy is not difficult. Simply chose desirable goals and make progress toward them!
Give it a Try!
First, select a desirable goal. If you don't have a desirable goal, make one up. What do you really desire?
Second, write down ONE SINGLE THING you can do right now toward this goal. It has to be an action step. Not thinking about it or talking about it. Actual physical motion.
Next, do it! Take that one step right now. Make some small, but real progress. You might be surprised at how easy it is.
Finally, notice if making this little bit of progress makes you happier.
"Happiness could be defined as the emotion of progress toward desirable goals. There is an instant of contemplation* of the last goal in which one is content. But contentment becomes boredom immediately that new goals do not come to view. There is no more unhappy thing than a man who has accomplished all his ends in life." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*contemplation = thoughtful observation; meditation)
Let's examine three parts of this definition.
1. "There is an instant of contemplation of the last goal in which one is content."
Think of goals you have reached in the past. How did you feel right after your wedding? When you got your first job? When you graduated from school?
Take a fast second to contemplate the last goal you reached. Perhaps you now feel content?
2. "But contentment becomes boredom immediately that new goals do not come to view."
For example, planning a vacation is exciting. But toward the end of a vacation many people are bored as they no longer have a goal.
Arguments during honeymoons are common, if the newlyweds do not set goals for their marriage.
Planning your retirement and the first day of retirement is a thrill. But the joy of freedom quickly turns to boredom and early death if you do not work on new goals.
"There is no more unhappy thing than a man who has accomplished all his ends in life."
Think of a time you were very bored. Had you completed a major goal without starting a new one?
3. "Happiness could be defined as the emotion of progress toward desirable goals."
We can use this definition to understand unhappiness as well. When were you last unhappy?
In each case, you probably
1) had no goal,
2) were trying to reach an undesirable goal, or
3) you were making no progress toward a goal.
Making yourself happy is not difficult. Simply chose desirable goals and make progress toward them!
Give it a Try!
First, select a desirable goal. If you don't have a desirable goal, make one up. What do you really desire?
Second, write down ONE SINGLE THING you can do right now toward this goal. It has to be an action step. Not thinking about it or talking about it. Actual physical motion.
Next, do it! Take that one step right now. Make some small, but real progress. You might be surprised at how easy it is.
Finally, notice if making this little bit of progress makes you happier.
Brilliant Ideas Are Old Ideas
George was tired of being broke.
Every day was a struggle. "How will I pay my bills? I'm going deeper into debt.
I can't afford to buy anything."
So George constantly worked on new ways to make money.
"If I could invent a new can opener, all my money problems would be over."
"Maybe I could sell funny hats on the Internet."
"If I found some investors, I could open a new underwater restaurant."
George had tried a few ideas, such as manufacturing a razor blade that never got dull, building the world's largest tree swing and a selling lamps made of salt.
All his new ventures had failed.
To survive, he had to work at McDonald's as an assistant manager.
George felt he should solve his money problems with new ideas.
Unfortunately, unproven ideas are often wrong.
Affluence
"Affluence* Attainment, consists of: ... Doing the things that won, not new things untried as yet." -- L. Ron Hubbard(Affluence: abundance; wealth)
You enjoy affluence, not from new ideas, but from things that have already worked.
George decides to try out this approach. He asks himself, "What has made me money in the past?"
He lists the following:
* Selling shoes at a store paid $350 per week.
* Selling sunglasses at weekend festivals paid $1000per weekend.
* Buying old cars, fixing them up and selling them.
The last car he restored, a 1961 Ford Mustang, earned $1500 profit with two weeks of work.
* Working at McDonald's pays $560 per week.
George realizes he can go back to his two best-paying jobs immediately: sunglasses and car restoration.
He convinces the sunglass company to give him 200 pairs on credit so he can sell them at an outdoor market that weekend. He then finds a wrecked 1988 Mercedes and makes a deal to buy it for $500, on credit.
George quits his McDonald's job. He makes $800 selling sunglasses that weekend. He spends three weeks on the Mercedes and sells it for $4500.
George uses old, proven ideas to boost his income.
How Businesses Achieve Affluence
When a business sticks to proven ideas, and avoids untried methods, it usually succeeds.
For example, the owner of an auto dealership notices his car sales are dropping.
His marketing director says, "We need a new TV commercial.
Let's use elephants! We've never tried it before. It'll be great!"
The smart owner says, "Let's wait on the elephants. Instead, find which of our old commercials worked best.
What made our sales jump up?"
The marketing director comes back the next day and says, "I hate to tell you this, but our best TV commercial is that one of you wearing diapers and crying. You swore to never show that commercial again."
The owner says, "I hate that commercial. Oh well, show it again. In fact, buy twice as many time slots!
And schedule the film crew to shoot a new commercial with me in the diaper.
I'm really going to cry this time!"
Car sales and income jump to new levels.
Doing things that won is essential to good business.
Copying Ideas
If you do not have anything that has made you succeed in the past, you must still avoid new ideas. Instead, do things that worked for others.
For example, you want a career helping people and making a decent income. You write down the careers of everyone you know. You realize your uncle Jay, who is a dentist, helps a lot of people and makes an excellent income.
You take your uncle to lunch and ask how he became a successful dentist.
As another example, you want a successful marriage and family. You find who has been happily married for a long time and has a successful family.
You learn all you can about what helped them succeed and then copy their ideas.
If you want to succeed in any kind of job or business, interview the people who are succeeding. Find out what worked for them.
Use these ideas as they are proven, not untried as yet. Luckily, most successful people enjoy talking about their success secrets and do not worry about competition.
Doing things that won for you or others is reliable route to success.
Four Steps to Boost Your Income
1. Make a list of income ideas you are using that are new and unproven.
2. Work out a plan to drop these idea.
3. Make a list of income ideas that have worked for you or others.
4. Next to each item on both lists, write down how you can use these ideas to boost your income.
Every day was a struggle. "How will I pay my bills? I'm going deeper into debt.
I can't afford to buy anything."
So George constantly worked on new ways to make money.
"If I could invent a new can opener, all my money problems would be over."
"Maybe I could sell funny hats on the Internet."
"If I found some investors, I could open a new underwater restaurant."
George had tried a few ideas, such as manufacturing a razor blade that never got dull, building the world's largest tree swing and a selling lamps made of salt.
All his new ventures had failed.
To survive, he had to work at McDonald's as an assistant manager.
George felt he should solve his money problems with new ideas.
Unfortunately, unproven ideas are often wrong.
Affluence
"Affluence* Attainment, consists of: ... Doing the things that won, not new things untried as yet." -- L. Ron Hubbard(Affluence: abundance; wealth)
You enjoy affluence, not from new ideas, but from things that have already worked.
George decides to try out this approach. He asks himself, "What has made me money in the past?"
He lists the following:
* Selling shoes at a store paid $350 per week.
* Selling sunglasses at weekend festivals paid $1000per weekend.
* Buying old cars, fixing them up and selling them.
The last car he restored, a 1961 Ford Mustang, earned $1500 profit with two weeks of work.
* Working at McDonald's pays $560 per week.
George realizes he can go back to his two best-paying jobs immediately: sunglasses and car restoration.
He convinces the sunglass company to give him 200 pairs on credit so he can sell them at an outdoor market that weekend. He then finds a wrecked 1988 Mercedes and makes a deal to buy it for $500, on credit.
George quits his McDonald's job. He makes $800 selling sunglasses that weekend. He spends three weeks on the Mercedes and sells it for $4500.
George uses old, proven ideas to boost his income.
How Businesses Achieve Affluence
When a business sticks to proven ideas, and avoids untried methods, it usually succeeds.
For example, the owner of an auto dealership notices his car sales are dropping.
His marketing director says, "We need a new TV commercial.
Let's use elephants! We've never tried it before. It'll be great!"
The smart owner says, "Let's wait on the elephants. Instead, find which of our old commercials worked best.
What made our sales jump up?"
The marketing director comes back the next day and says, "I hate to tell you this, but our best TV commercial is that one of you wearing diapers and crying. You swore to never show that commercial again."
The owner says, "I hate that commercial. Oh well, show it again. In fact, buy twice as many time slots!
And schedule the film crew to shoot a new commercial with me in the diaper.
I'm really going to cry this time!"
Car sales and income jump to new levels.
Doing things that won is essential to good business.
Copying Ideas
If you do not have anything that has made you succeed in the past, you must still avoid new ideas. Instead, do things that worked for others.
For example, you want a career helping people and making a decent income. You write down the careers of everyone you know. You realize your uncle Jay, who is a dentist, helps a lot of people and makes an excellent income.
You take your uncle to lunch and ask how he became a successful dentist.
As another example, you want a successful marriage and family. You find who has been happily married for a long time and has a successful family.
You learn all you can about what helped them succeed and then copy their ideas.
If you want to succeed in any kind of job or business, interview the people who are succeeding. Find out what worked for them.
Use these ideas as they are proven, not untried as yet. Luckily, most successful people enjoy talking about their success secrets and do not worry about competition.
Doing things that won for you or others is reliable route to success.
Four Steps to Boost Your Income
1. Make a list of income ideas you are using that are new and unproven.
2. Work out a plan to drop these idea.
3. Make a list of income ideas that have worked for you or others.
4. Next to each item on both lists, write down how you can use these ideas to boost your income.
You Have the Power to Control How People Treat You
You can make people like you or hate you; respect you or criticize you; support you or chop you down.
You can also get people to trust you, support you and help you succeed.
The way you do this is outlined by L. Ron Hubbard in The Way to Happiness.
"Try to Treat Others as You Would Want Them to Treat You"
"Just figure out how you would want people to treat you.
"You would possibly, first of all, want to be treated justly: you wouldn't want people lying about you or falsely or harshly condemning you. Right?
"You would probably want your friends and companions to be loyal: you would not want them to betray you."
"You would want people to be fair in their dealings with you.
"You would want them to be honest with you and not cheat you. Correct?
"You might want to be treated kindly and without cruelty."
"You would probably prefer to be given respect, not insulted.
"Possibly you would want others to be polite to you and also treat you with dignity. Right?
"You might like people to admire you.
"When you did something for them you would possibly like people to appreciate you. Correct?
"You would probably like others to be friendly toward you.
"From some you might want love.
"And above all, you wouldn't want these people just pretending these things, you would want them to be quite real in their attitudes and to be acting with integrity*."
"It requires no great stretch of imagination for one to recognize that if he were to be treated that way regularly by others around him, his life would exist on a pleasant level." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*integrity: honesty, truthfulness)
Three Steps to Get People to Treat You the Way You Want to Be Treated
1. Make a list of each person you wish to influence: spouse, children, parents, employees, bosses, co-workers, colleagues and so on.
2. Next to each name, write how you want them to treat you.
3. Then write how you will treat that person, in that same way.
In some cases, you might be amazed at how quickly this works.
In other cases, you may need to persist for a long time, so don't give up!
You can also get people to trust you, support you and help you succeed.
The way you do this is outlined by L. Ron Hubbard in The Way to Happiness.
"Try to Treat Others as You Would Want Them to Treat You"
"Just figure out how you would want people to treat you.
"You would possibly, first of all, want to be treated justly: you wouldn't want people lying about you or falsely or harshly condemning you. Right?
"You would probably want your friends and companions to be loyal: you would not want them to betray you."
"You would want people to be fair in their dealings with you.
"You would want them to be honest with you and not cheat you. Correct?
"You might want to be treated kindly and without cruelty."
"You would probably prefer to be given respect, not insulted.
"Possibly you would want others to be polite to you and also treat you with dignity. Right?
"You might like people to admire you.
"When you did something for them you would possibly like people to appreciate you. Correct?
"You would probably like others to be friendly toward you.
"From some you might want love.
"And above all, you wouldn't want these people just pretending these things, you would want them to be quite real in their attitudes and to be acting with integrity*."
"It requires no great stretch of imagination for one to recognize that if he were to be treated that way regularly by others around him, his life would exist on a pleasant level." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*integrity: honesty, truthfulness)
Three Steps to Get People to Treat You the Way You Want to Be Treated
1. Make a list of each person you wish to influence: spouse, children, parents, employees, bosses, co-workers, colleagues and so on.
2. Next to each name, write how you want them to treat you.
3. Then write how you will treat that person, in that same way.
In some cases, you might be amazed at how quickly this works.
In other cases, you may need to persist for a long time, so don't give up!
Your Unlimited Potential
A "potentiality" is defined as the capacity for growth or improvement; a possibility; a power.
For example, if you were sitting on a box of dynamite, you would be sitting on a potentiality. The dynamite isn't exploding . . . but it could.
The fact is: You ARE sitting on a box of dynamite; and it's big!
"Your potentialities are a great deal better than anyone ever permitted you to believe." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Right now, you are capable of making improvements in your career, your finances and your life that are more significant and satisfying than anything you have ever done. You can potentially shatter your past achievement records, eliminate your worst problems and feel absolutely great. Everything you have done in the past becomes minor compared to what you can do in the future.
Most people have the wrong idea about success. They believe "you can only do so much," or "you just need to keep on trying" or "success takes time." Such thinking slows you down and limits your lifetime achievements.
Instead, simply take a new view of yourself, your habits and your thinking. And then ACT!
To make a significant, instant improvement in your career and life, you must jump out of your rut. Overcome your addiction to safe, conservative plans. Break out of old patterns and find new attitudes.
Don't settle for small improvements. Do something bold and exciting. Find a destination you passionately want and make it happen!
Your Destination
When you plan a vacation, you don't start by examining the route. You start by choosing a destination. The route becomes obvious when you focus on the goal. And the bigger the destination, the more exciting the trip.
What is the most exciting destination you can imagine for yourself? What objective makes your heart pound? What goal lifts your mood?
These are your potentialities. These are your dreams. These are what you can believe in!
To get there, start by concentrating on the end result. Put yourself in the picture your dreams. Create a vision of you reaching your goals.
Then act. Take a small step, a large step or a leap. Any progress will lead to more progress, as long as you remember to think of your ultimate success.
The time to start is now. Focus on a goal and light the fuse!
For example, if you were sitting on a box of dynamite, you would be sitting on a potentiality. The dynamite isn't exploding . . . but it could.
The fact is: You ARE sitting on a box of dynamite; and it's big!
"Your potentialities are a great deal better than anyone ever permitted you to believe." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Right now, you are capable of making improvements in your career, your finances and your life that are more significant and satisfying than anything you have ever done. You can potentially shatter your past achievement records, eliminate your worst problems and feel absolutely great. Everything you have done in the past becomes minor compared to what you can do in the future.
Most people have the wrong idea about success. They believe "you can only do so much," or "you just need to keep on trying" or "success takes time." Such thinking slows you down and limits your lifetime achievements.
Instead, simply take a new view of yourself, your habits and your thinking. And then ACT!
To make a significant, instant improvement in your career and life, you must jump out of your rut. Overcome your addiction to safe, conservative plans. Break out of old patterns and find new attitudes.
Don't settle for small improvements. Do something bold and exciting. Find a destination you passionately want and make it happen!
Your Destination
When you plan a vacation, you don't start by examining the route. You start by choosing a destination. The route becomes obvious when you focus on the goal. And the bigger the destination, the more exciting the trip.
What is the most exciting destination you can imagine for yourself? What objective makes your heart pound? What goal lifts your mood?
These are your potentialities. These are your dreams. These are what you can believe in!
To get there, start by concentrating on the end result. Put yourself in the picture your dreams. Create a vision of you reaching your goals.
Then act. Take a small step, a large step or a leap. Any progress will lead to more progress, as long as you remember to think of your ultimate success.
The time to start is now. Focus on a goal and light the fuse!
Joy for Your Job
"Work is only as good as it's enjoyed, not as it's paid." -- L. Ron Hubbard (from The Problems of Work)
When you do what you love, your odds of success are much greater. You have more passion, more energy and more fun.
When you enjoy your job, you look forward to Monday mornings. Your days fly by. You make steady progress.
Work enjoyment is contagious. The people around you get along better. They follow your example and get more done.
So what if you do not enjoy your work?
The Parts You Hate
Every job, every profession and every business includes distasteful aspects--the complicated, boring, dirty or difficult parts of the job. Yet conquering these difficulties, and enjoying your job anyway, is how you succeed.
To get rich, simply find and perform an important job most people can't do or won't do. For example, drilling tiny holes in people's teeth or performing surgery on people's stomachs is very tough work, but it makes dentists and physicians wealthy.
If you have no love for your job, the difficult parts become unbearable. You hate going to work. You hate the people. You want to quit.
When you love the purpose and results of your work, the difficulties are easier to deal with. You take pride in conquering them. The benefits of the job outweigh the liabilities.
Five Steps to Getting More Enjoyment from Your Work
1. List what you like about your work. What makes it worth doing? For example, working with good people, improving your customers' lives, doing a technically perfect job and so on.
2. List what you dislike about your work. What makes you want to quit? For example, working long hours, customer complaints, health risks, mean bosses and so on.
3. List your purposes for this job. Why did you start? What is the big picture? Why do you do this work?
4. Review and add items to the above three lists. Continue until you feel more joy for your work. When the lists are balanced, your passion takes over and you love your job.
5. If the four steps above do not help you find joy for your job, you need to make some changes.
Change your routine. Work with different people. Do a better job. Transfer to a different department. Change directions, get a new job or learn a new profession.
Change a negative attitude. Learn to accept help. Stop cutting corners.
Keep making changes until the joy of your job is greater than its difficulties.
If you own a business that gives you no joy, change it as well. Make it into an operation that makes you happy. Replace difficult employees. Delegate more responsibilities. Improve the quality of the service or product. Make the operation bigger or smaller. Sell out and start another business.
Go!
When you love your work, you recognize opportunities and make better decisions. You know where you are going. You are on the road to your major, significant success.
Take your foot off the brakes and floor it!
When you do what you love, your odds of success are much greater. You have more passion, more energy and more fun.
When you enjoy your job, you look forward to Monday mornings. Your days fly by. You make steady progress.
Work enjoyment is contagious. The people around you get along better. They follow your example and get more done.
So what if you do not enjoy your work?
The Parts You Hate
Every job, every profession and every business includes distasteful aspects--the complicated, boring, dirty or difficult parts of the job. Yet conquering these difficulties, and enjoying your job anyway, is how you succeed.
To get rich, simply find and perform an important job most people can't do or won't do. For example, drilling tiny holes in people's teeth or performing surgery on people's stomachs is very tough work, but it makes dentists and physicians wealthy.
If you have no love for your job, the difficult parts become unbearable. You hate going to work. You hate the people. You want to quit.
When you love the purpose and results of your work, the difficulties are easier to deal with. You take pride in conquering them. The benefits of the job outweigh the liabilities.
Five Steps to Getting More Enjoyment from Your Work
1. List what you like about your work. What makes it worth doing? For example, working with good people, improving your customers' lives, doing a technically perfect job and so on.
2. List what you dislike about your work. What makes you want to quit? For example, working long hours, customer complaints, health risks, mean bosses and so on.
3. List your purposes for this job. Why did you start? What is the big picture? Why do you do this work?
4. Review and add items to the above three lists. Continue until you feel more joy for your work. When the lists are balanced, your passion takes over and you love your job.
5. If the four steps above do not help you find joy for your job, you need to make some changes.
Change your routine. Work with different people. Do a better job. Transfer to a different department. Change directions, get a new job or learn a new profession.
Change a negative attitude. Learn to accept help. Stop cutting corners.
Keep making changes until the joy of your job is greater than its difficulties.
If you own a business that gives you no joy, change it as well. Make it into an operation that makes you happy. Replace difficult employees. Delegate more responsibilities. Improve the quality of the service or product. Make the operation bigger or smaller. Sell out and start another business.
Go!
When you love your work, you recognize opportunities and make better decisions. You know where you are going. You are on the road to your major, significant success.
Take your foot off the brakes and floor it!
The Root of a Successful Marriage
"You want to know why somebody is failing consistently in his marriage. It's because he's unwilling to take responsibility for others than himself." -- L. Ron Hubbard
People who do not take responsibility for others have failed marriages as well as failed jobs, failed businesses and failed friendships.
Because they are unwilling to take responsibility for their mates or spouses, they say things like:
"I was so stupid to marry you!"
"He's your kid, not mine."
"That's the dumbest career choice you've ever made."
"You're really getting fat."
"I'm reporting you to the authorities."
"If you had checked the car's oil like I said, it wouldn't need all these repairs."
"You can't communicate."
"My husband didn't show up for work? Not my problem."
"My wife maxed out the credit cards, so she can pay them,I won't."
A marriage is miserable when the husband and wife are unwilling to be responsible for each other. They argue, fight, blame,criticize, scream and cry. The marriage ends in divorce.
The Responsible Marriage
"The willingness to take responsibility for somebody other than yourself is at the root of every successful marriage." -- L. Ron Hubbard
When you take responsibility for someone else, you accept their actions as your own. You care for the person, guard the person, help the person and are interested in the person. You accept the person as he or she is.
When you are willing to take responsibility for your mate, you say things like:
"We made a good decision to get married. I think we'll make it better and better."
"He's your kid and I love him."
"If that's the career choice you want to make, I'll support you on it."
"Should we work on losing weight together? How about if we both start exercising and eating better."
"We'd better fix this problem before someone reports you to the authorities."
"Oops! We forgot to watch the car's oil. I'll get it fixed tomorrow."
"We need to fix our communication. Is it okay with you if we turn off the TV and listen to each other."
"My husband didn't show up for work? I'll find him and one of us will call you right back."
"We maxed out the credit cards and we'll pay them off."
A marriage is joyful when the husband and wife take responsibility for each other. They create a happy home for themselves and their children. They stay in love.
How to Have More Courage
If you were afraid of nothing, how would your life improve?
Fear stops success. For example, a man who wants to get married, but is afraid of women, will probably not get married. His fear stops him from reaching his goal.
If you want to run a big company, you will fail if you are afraid of making big decisions. If you want to be a successful doctor, you cannot be afraid of sick people. If you want to succeed as an athlete, you cannot be afraid of hard, painful practice.
All types of fears can ruin your success: fear of angry people, fear of selling, fear of paperwork, fear of speaking to groups, fear of stating the truth, fear of asking for money, fear of responsibility, fear of flying, fear of looking stupid, fear of displeasing someone and more.
If you were afraid of nothing, what goals would you set? What could you accomplish?
The Best Way to Remove a Fear Is to Face the Fear
"Definition: Fear is a state of imperception*; fear is an unwillingness to confront." -- L. Ron Hubbard (imperception = not perceiving; no awareness)
When you fear something, you cannot perceive it very well. Your awareness is reduced. You do not look at it.
To dissolve a fear, you must face it, confront it, experience it, perceive it and look it in the eye. Until you do this, the fear persists.
If you let a fear control you, you will avoid it, ignore it, alter it or run away from it.
For example, Bob is terrified that his son is homosexual. Bob's friend comes up to him and says, "So Bob, I hear your son is gay. Is that true?"
Bob has five options:
Avoid it: "My son? Oh, he's moving to New York."
Ignore it: "So how are your kids doing?"
Alter it: "No, he just dresses well."
Run away from it: "Oops! Look at the time! I've got to go. Bye."
Face it: "Yes, my son is gay."
Only the last option dissolves Bob's fear. It makes Bob happier than the other options. He can also be more successful as a father.
Which of these five options do you use to deal with your fears?
Nancy
Nancy is afraid of offending people. Because of her fear, she cannot reach her goal to be a manager. Instead, she is stuck in a low-paying, boring, computer typing job.
Sometimes, Nancy ignores conflicts. For example, a worker in the next cubicle plays loud music. Nancy gets some earplugs.
Sometimes Nancy alters the problem. For example, Nancy returns to her desk to see a co-worker looking in her drawers. The co-worker says, "I'm looking for a pen." Nancy later notices $20 is missing. She alters what she knows has happened and says, "I must have left the cash at home."
So Nancy decides to change her life and face her fears. She walks over to the next cubicle, looks directly at the worker and says, "Please turn down the music." The worker is stunned and turns off the radio. Nancy then goes to the other co-worker and says, "I'm missing $20 that was in my desk before you went through it. Do you have it?" The co-worker says, "Oh, yes, I meant to ask, can I could borrow it?" Nancy says, "Sorry, I need it today" and gets her $20 back.
Nancy feels happier than she has in years. She decides to go face her boss and ask for the management training she has always wanted.
You can do the same with any of your own fears. You might think facing a fear will make the situation worse. You might think that facing the fear might even kill you.
But is living as a coward really a life?
Recommendation
When you look fear in the face, you gain strength, courage and confidence. You stop being a coward and start succeeding.
Each time you face a fear, it gets easier. You continue to confront the fear and it eventually disappears.
When you face a fear, and act despite the fear, you have courage.
Confronting your fears not only makes you more successful, it makes you happier.
"To be happy, one only must be able to confront, which is to say, experience those things that are." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Fear stops success. For example, a man who wants to get married, but is afraid of women, will probably not get married. His fear stops him from reaching his goal.
If you want to run a big company, you will fail if you are afraid of making big decisions. If you want to be a successful doctor, you cannot be afraid of sick people. If you want to succeed as an athlete, you cannot be afraid of hard, painful practice.
All types of fears can ruin your success: fear of angry people, fear of selling, fear of paperwork, fear of speaking to groups, fear of stating the truth, fear of asking for money, fear of responsibility, fear of flying, fear of looking stupid, fear of displeasing someone and more.
If you were afraid of nothing, what goals would you set? What could you accomplish?
The Best Way to Remove a Fear Is to Face the Fear
"Definition: Fear is a state of imperception*; fear is an unwillingness to confront." -- L. Ron Hubbard (imperception = not perceiving; no awareness)
When you fear something, you cannot perceive it very well. Your awareness is reduced. You do not look at it.
To dissolve a fear, you must face it, confront it, experience it, perceive it and look it in the eye. Until you do this, the fear persists.
If you let a fear control you, you will avoid it, ignore it, alter it or run away from it.
For example, Bob is terrified that his son is homosexual. Bob's friend comes up to him and says, "So Bob, I hear your son is gay. Is that true?"
Bob has five options:
Avoid it: "My son? Oh, he's moving to New York."
Ignore it: "So how are your kids doing?"
Alter it: "No, he just dresses well."
Run away from it: "Oops! Look at the time! I've got to go. Bye."
Face it: "Yes, my son is gay."
Only the last option dissolves Bob's fear. It makes Bob happier than the other options. He can also be more successful as a father.
Which of these five options do you use to deal with your fears?
Nancy
Nancy is afraid of offending people. Because of her fear, she cannot reach her goal to be a manager. Instead, she is stuck in a low-paying, boring, computer typing job.
Sometimes, Nancy ignores conflicts. For example, a worker in the next cubicle plays loud music. Nancy gets some earplugs.
Sometimes Nancy alters the problem. For example, Nancy returns to her desk to see a co-worker looking in her drawers. The co-worker says, "I'm looking for a pen." Nancy later notices $20 is missing. She alters what she knows has happened and says, "I must have left the cash at home."
So Nancy decides to change her life and face her fears. She walks over to the next cubicle, looks directly at the worker and says, "Please turn down the music." The worker is stunned and turns off the radio. Nancy then goes to the other co-worker and says, "I'm missing $20 that was in my desk before you went through it. Do you have it?" The co-worker says, "Oh, yes, I meant to ask, can I could borrow it?" Nancy says, "Sorry, I need it today" and gets her $20 back.
Nancy feels happier than she has in years. She decides to go face her boss and ask for the management training she has always wanted.
You can do the same with any of your own fears. You might think facing a fear will make the situation worse. You might think that facing the fear might even kill you.
But is living as a coward really a life?
Recommendation
When you look fear in the face, you gain strength, courage and confidence. You stop being a coward and start succeeding.
Each time you face a fear, it gets easier. You continue to confront the fear and it eventually disappears.
When you face a fear, and act despite the fear, you have courage.
Confronting your fears not only makes you more successful, it makes you happier.
"To be happy, one only must be able to confront, which is to say, experience those things that are." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Why You Need Goals
To make 2014 your most successful year ever, you need exciting goals.
"Without goals, hopes, ambitions or dreams, the attainment of pleasure is nearly impossible." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Fifteen Signs You Need to Set Some Goals
1. You want to accomplish something great, but you don't know what to do.
2. Even though you are busy, you accomplish little.
3. Little problems seem like big problems.
4. You hate your work or other parts of your life.
5. Nothing interests or excites you; you have little passion for what you are doing.
6. Staying focused or concentrating is difficult.
7. You are waiting for someone else to give you opportunities or make you successful.
8. Even if you seem more successful than others, you are still unhappy.
9. You spread out a little work to fill your whole day.
10. Your life seems to be going downhill.
11. Your days are filled with meaningless motion.
12. Negative feelings are controlling your life: apathy, depression, fear, grief, pain, hopelessness, anxiety, anger, jealousy, revenge and so on.
13. You wonder what will happen to you in the future.
14. You know your potential is unlimited, yet you do not change.
15. Life does not contain much happiness or pleasure.
Even if you realize you need to set goals, you might use one or more of the following excuses.
Top Ten Excuses For Not Setting Goals
10. "I don't know how to set goals."
9. "I set some goals one time, but it didn't make any difference."
8. "I would rather do what others want me to do."
7. "I'll probably fail anyway, so why try?"
6. "I don't need to improve anything."
5. "My life is not in my control."
4. "I just keep changing my mind on what I want."
3. "Why set goals? I'll forget about them."
2. "Success is too much work."
1. "I don't have time to set goals."
However, these excuses are less valid when you consider the amazing benefits you earn from having goals.
Ten Benefits of Goals
1. If you have goals, you have direction. You can invest your time and effort in a specific way that pays off.
A race car that is chained to the ground is the same as having no goals. You push on the gas pedal and the engine roars. The tires spin and smoke. Yet no matter how hard you push on the pedal, you go nowhere.
2. When opportunities pop up that can help you reach a goal, you recognize and seize them.
Opportunities are all around you. The trick is noticing them. When you have a goal in mind, opportunities are easier to see.
For example, when you decide to buy a red Chevy truck, you suddenly notice dozens of red Chevy trucks on the road. Before you had the goal of getting the truck, you probably drove past red Chevy trucks every day and never noticed them.
When you have a goal in mind, you see ways to reach your goal you never noticed before.
3. You make better decisions.
When faced with an important choice, you simply ask yourself, "Which of these options will best help me reach my goal? Will Plan A help me with my goal or will Plan B do it best?"
Like a flashlight in the night, your goal lights up your best choice.
4. Goals motivate you and give you energy.
For example, when you are preparing to go on vacation, you get more done in less time. You have a firm goal to finish several tasks and then go on your trip. The excitement of the vacation helps you work hard and fast without getting tired.
5. You have more control of your life.
When events in life knock you around, goals can put you back in control. For example, you get arrested by the police and spend time in jail for something you did not do. The day after you are released from jail, you focus on your goals and continue onward. The bad incident does not ruin your life.
6. You can have greater confidence. You can take the initiative. You can be a leader.
Imagine you and your group are lost in the wilderness. You alone know the correct direction to hike. You would not follow someone else. You would not sit down and worry. You would take the initiative and lead your group to safety. Goals give you the same level of confidence.
7. You can determine if your current activity contributes to your overall success or not.
For example, you find yourself digging a hole in the ground. You ask yourself, "Why am I digging this hole?" You then realize, "Oh, yeah! I'm building my own house and need a good basement." Or you realize, "Wait a minute. This hole is for my buddy's house! He's pretty persuasive! He already owes me plenty. It's time to go dig my own basement."
As another example, you are frustrated and cannot sleep because you accomplished nothing worthwhile during the day. But then you realize you took three good steps toward one of your goals. You pat yourself on the back and fall asleep.
8. Long-range goals help you solve short-term problems.
For example, you and your spouse have a long-term goal of raising your three children to be happy, healthy, honest and productive. You keep that goal in mind when your son is caught stealing a jacket at the shopping mall. Of course, you work out a punishment, but you also use the incident to teach your son the benefits of honesty. The big picture helps you take wiser actions.
9. Your plans are more effective.
Each morning, you can plan your day based on your goals. For example, "What can I do today that will take me one step closer to my goal of becoming independently wealthy?"
Weekly plans, monthly plans and yearly plans give you better results when you line them up and match them to specific goals.
10. Goals give you hope for a better future. Goals make you happier.
Watch the fans at a football or baseball game. They have a goal to win the game. For a few hours, the goal helps them escape the problems of life. Even if they lose, they have fun.
Goals help you make life more enjoyable, even exhilarating. Goals give you a natural "high" you can never achieve from chemicals or other artificial means.
"Happiness could be defined as the emotion of progress toward desirable goals." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Happy New Year!
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