“The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living
associations.” -- L. Ron Hubbard
Affinity: how well you like or love a person.
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real.
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas.
ARC
Triangle: A triangle formed by affinity, reality and communication. When you
raise one of the three points, the other two rise as well. When you lower one
point, the other two drop.
Understanding: The combined result of affinity, reality and communication.
Part 3: How to Use ARC to Form New Relationships
Wouldn’t it be great if you could become fast
friends with nearly everyone you met? If you could make people like you right
away? If you could earn the support from everyone you wished to have support
from?
For example, you could get strangers to agree
with you within a few minutes. You could get the leaders in your field to listen
to you and give you whatever you needed. You could earn respect from your
coworkers, staff, colleagues, friends and family.
You can do all of these things with ARC. You
start by using communication. Simply follow two steps:
"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to
find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can
agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard (from
The Problems of Work)
For example, you want to form a business
relationship with a business owner. You invite him to lunch. Where do you start?
1. Find something you like about the owner. You
look him over and decide he has a nice smile and good looking shoes. You have
some affinity for him. This step is done.
2. Discuss something with which he can agree. He
mentions that he hates the hot weather outside. You say, “I can’t stand the heat
either, but my wife loves it.” He says, “My wife likes it too. Something is
wrong with them.” You both laugh.
You can also ask questions to find something with
which to agree. What has he been doing lately? How is his business going? What
does he like about his field? What does he do for fun? Does he have any
children?
Maybe you learn he loves to play tennis, has
trouble with a government regulation and worries about his father’s health. You
also have trouble with the same government regulation and so you discuss it.
Your ARC with the business owner goes up.
As another example, you are waiting for your
flight to Chicago at an airport. You decide to establish ARC with the business
woman sitting next to you. First you find something you like about her, perhaps
her red-leather briefcase.
So you say, "Nice briefcase!" She smiles and
nods. Your affinity is established. You then find something with which she can
agree. "Are you from Chicago?" She starts to communicate. You find points of
agreement. You have ARC and perhaps a new business relationship.
If you are single and want to meet someone new,
these two steps are great for breaking the ice with the opposite sex, even if
you feel shy. For example, you notice someone you want to meet in a bookstore.
He or she is looking at magazines. You do the first step and find something you
like, such as this person’s hair, shoes and voice. You suddenly feel less shy.
You then find something with which you can agree. “I need a good magazines.
Which ones do you like best?” “I see you like gardening magazines. Me too. Have
you seen this one?”
You can use this formula to form relationships
with people who are difficult for you to understand. Say you get on that
airplane for a long flight to Chicago and are assigned to sit next to a
body-pierced, tattooed, pimply-faced teenager with McDonalds Big Mac breath. You
follow the formula and find something to like about him: he has a beautiful
sunset picture on his t-shirt. You feel a little better about the fellow. You
find something with which he can agree. "Where did you get that great shirt?"
"What do you like to do after school?" "That is quite a tattoo you have." Before
long, you have enough ARC with this teenager to enjoy sitting next to him for
the flight.
Recommendations
1. List all the people or types of people with
whom you want to form a relationship.
2. Work out a way to use the two steps with each
of them:
"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to
find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can
agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Give it a try!
No comments:
Post a Comment