Becoming the leader of a project, group or business is very
thrilling. You get to make the decisions, help more people, earn more
pay and have more fun. The technology described in this article
outlines exactly how you can do this.
"THE K-R-C TRIANGLE"
"The points are K for KNOWLEDGE, R for RESPONSIBILITY and C for CONTROL."
"It is difficult to be responsible for something or control something unless you have KNOWLEDGE of it."
"It is folly to try to control something or even know something without RESPONSIBILITY."
"It is hard to fully know something or be responsible for something
over which you have no CONTROL, otherwise the result can be an
overwhelm."
"Little by little one can make anything go right by
"INCREASING KNOWLEDGE . . . ,"
"INCREASING RESPONSIBILITY . . . ,"
"INCREASING CONTROL . . . ."
"If one sorts out any situation one finds oneself in on this basis, he will generally succeed."
"By inching up each corner of the KRC triangle bit by bit, ignoring
the losses and making the wins firm, a being at length discovers his
power and command of life." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Examples
Terry and Joe work for Dan's Auto Repair. They both want to succeed, but Terry uses the KRC Triangle.
For example, when Joe makes a mistake, he hits the car part with his
tool. When Terry makes a mistake, he slows down, adjusts the tool and
carefully does the work again. He increases his control.
At 5:00 each night, Joe puts down his tools and walks out the door to
get a beer. Terry cleans up his area, oils his tools and puts them
away. He increases his responsibility.
During the
weekends, Joe watches football while Terry reads auto repair magazines
and shop manuals. He increases his knowledge.
Joe gets
frustrated when he can't pay his bills, can't get along with his wife
and can't get ahead at his job. He complains about all the losses he has
had in life to his buddies at the bar every night.
Terry
also gets frustrated, but he ignores the losses and rarely talks about
them. Instead, he makes his wins firm by sharing them with his family
and friends and looks for new ways to succeed.
When Dan, the owner of the shop, decides to add a partner to his business, who does he choose?
Who are the most successful people you personally know? How much
knowledge, responsibility and control do they have in their fields?
How often do they increase their knowledge? Their responsibility? Their control?
Do they talk about their failures or their successes?
To become a leader and achieve success, just remember these five
things: increase knowledge, increase responsibility, increase control,
ignore losses and solidify wins.
Recommendations
Raise your KRC for the activity faster and more thoroughly than anyone else and you will become the leader.
1. Decide on the group or project that you want lead. If you are not
yet a part of that activity, take a small position in that group or
project.
2. Increase your knowledge: Learn more about the
activity than anyone. Do more research than anyone. Figure out more
innovative solutions than anyone.
3. Increase your
responsibility: Be a great supporter to the current leader. Volunteer
to do extra work and take on extra duties with no pay. Consider the
success of the project or group to be your personal responsibility.
4. Control: Invest more time and interest in the activity than anyone
else. Take control of every aspect of the project or group, when the
opportunity presents itself.
5. Losses: Do not dwell on
any failures, regrets or mistakes you encounter. Fix them, when
possible, but otherwise, ignore them.
6. Wins: Focus on
your successes each day. Write them down, think about them and talk
about them. Make them a permanent part of your life.
7.
Because you have the most knowledge and responsibility for the success
of the project, an opportunity to take control of the project or group
will eventually appear. When this happens, do not hesitate. Take the
reins!
How to Become a Leader
Becoming the leader of a project, group or business is very thrilling. You get to make the decisions, help more people, earn more pay and have more fun. The technology described in this article outlines exactly how you can do this.
"THE K-R-C TRIANGLE"
"The points are K for KNOWLEDGE, R for RESPONSIBILITY and C for CONTROL."
"It is difficult to be responsible for something or control something unless you have KNOWLEDGE of it."
"It is folly to try to control something or even know something without RESPONSIBILITY."
"It is hard to fully know something or be responsible for something over which you have no CONTROL, otherwise the result can be an overwhelm."
"Little by little one can make anything go right by
"INCREASING KNOWLEDGE . . . ,"
"INCREASING RESPONSIBILITY . . . ,"
"INCREASING CONTROL . . . ."
"If one sorts out any situation one finds oneself in on this basis, he will generally succeed."
"By inching up each corner of the KRC triangle bit by bit, ignoring the losses and making the wins firm, a being at length discovers his power and command of life." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Examples
Terry and Joe work for Dan's Auto Repair. They both want to succeed, but Terry uses the KRC Triangle.
For example, when Joe makes a mistake, he hits the car part with his tool. When Terry makes a mistake, he slows down, adjusts the tool and carefully does the work again. He increases his control.
At 5:00 each night, Joe puts down his tools and walks out the door to get a beer. Terry cleans up his area, oils his tools and puts them away. He increases his responsibility.
During the weekends, Joe watches football while Terry reads auto repair magazines and shop manuals. He increases his knowledge.
Joe gets frustrated when he can't pay his bills, can't get along with his wife and can't get ahead at his job. He complains about all the losses he has had in life to his buddies at the bar every night.
Terry also gets frustrated, but he ignores the losses and rarely talks about them. Instead, he makes his wins firm by sharing them with his family and friends and looks for new ways to succeed.
When Dan, the owner of the shop, decides to add a partner to his business, who does he choose?
Who are the most successful people you personally know? How much knowledge, responsibility and control do they have in their fields?
How often do they increase their knowledge? Their responsibility? Their control?
Do they talk about their failures or their successes?
To become a leader and achieve success, just remember these five things: increase knowledge, increase responsibility, increase control, ignore losses and solidify wins.
Recommendations
Raise your KRC for the activity faster and more thoroughly than anyone else and you will become the leader.
1. Decide on the group or project that you want lead. If you are not yet a part of that activity, take a small position in that group or project.
2. Increase your knowledge: Learn more about the activity than anyone. Do more research than anyone. Figure out more innovative solutions than anyone.
3. Increase your responsibility: Be a great supporter to the current leader. Volunteer to do extra work and take on extra duties with no pay. Consider the success of the project or group to be your personal responsibility.
4. Control: Invest more time and interest in the activity than anyone else. Take control of every aspect of the project or group, when the opportunity presents itself.
5. Losses: Do not dwell on any failures, regrets or mistakes you encounter. Fix them, when possible, but otherwise, ignore them.
6. Wins: Focus on your successes each day. Write them down, think about them and talk about them. Make them a permanent part of your life.
7. Because you have the most knowledge and responsibility for the success of the project, an opportunity to take control of the project or group will eventually appear.
When this happens, do not hesitate. Take the reins!
You Tried to Reach a Goal and Failed . . . Now What?
Have you ever said:
"I have too many problems to reach my goals."
"I'm the wrong age/wrong race/wrong gender/wrong nationality."
"It seems too hard for me to do."
"I'd rather watch TV."
"Whatever made me think I could do that?"
"I'm sick of the whole thing."
"I simply can't do it."
"I'll do it some other time."
"I don't have enough energy."
"I didn't realize it would be this difficult."
"Like most people, I'll never reach my dreams."
"I've lost hope."
Once you start saying, "can't," you are on the downhill road to failure. "I can't do the project." "I can't pay my bills." "I can't succeed." Of course, barriers to success are part of society.
For example, most government regulations outline the things you cannot do. "You can't park there." "You can't keep that money." "Unless you follow these regulations, you can't . . . ." Pick up any law and notice how often the words "Prohibit," "Forbidden" and "Disallowed" occur while words like "Encouraged," "Allowed" and "Recommended" are absent.
Some employers like to act like governments and stop things. "You can't leave early." "You can't have more authority." "You can't do things your own way."
Businesses do it to customers. "We can't see you without an appointment." "I can't give you a discount if you pay in full." "Sorry, we cannot help you."
The real damage occurs when you stop yourself. "I can't handle more work." "I can't earn more money." "I can't change."
Have You Been Stopped?
When all you see in life are problems, you feel stopped. When you decide the forces in the universe are against you, you feel stopped. Whenever you feel like giving up, you feel stopped.
Why might you feel there are so many barriers to your progress?
"STOPS ALL OCCUR BECAUSE OF FAILED PURPOSES. BEHIND EVERY STOP THERE IS A FAILED PURPOSE." -- L. Ron Hubbard
The sequence goes like this:
1. You have a purpose to _________.
For example, do you remember some of your old purposes? Make $20 million. Raise a happy family. Tour Europe. Get involved in the community. Make a major contribution to society. Help people. Buy a mansion.
2. For one reason or other, you decide you have failed to achieve that purpose.
When you made some effort to achieve your purpose, you felt stopped. Maybe achieving the purpose turned out to be more difficult than you expected. Maybe you saw someone else fail. Perhaps you became afraid or lazy. Maybe someone got in your road.
3. You then invent or agree with stops or barriers to your purpose.
"It's too much work for me." "I need a better education first." "They don't want me to do this." "No one succeeds without lucky breaks." "I don't know what to do." "It's better to settle for less."
Some people go even lower and begin to oppose solutions: "Don't try to help me as it is impossible." "I tried all the solutions and none of them work." "No one has the answers." "You should give up, too."
You stop looking for ways to succeed. You avoid setting any goals at all. You feel very tired.
Fortunately, you can turn things around and reach your biggest goals.
The Law Regarding Failed Purposes
"THERE IS A LAW ABOUT THIS -- ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO RESTORE LIFE AND ACTION IS TO REKINDLE* THE FAILED PURPOSE. THE STOPS WILL AT ONCE BLOW." -- L. Ron Hubbard (rekindle: revive or renew)
A simple solution to a very big, difficult problem. Just fire up your original purpose and the stops or barriers magically disappear! Can it be that easy?
Example: Jill, an amateur athlete, wants to enter and finish a 25-mile marathon even though she lost a leg in an auto accident when she was a teenager. She starts to run every day with her prosthetic leg, but trips and falls every mile or so. People keep telling her, "You're so brave!" "I really admire you for trying." "I would have given up long ago." Finally, after missing a few runs, she decides it is too difficult.
She tries to run one morning anyway. Usually, her real leg has a slight cramp, but this morning it feels worse. Jill normally pushes through, but for some reason, she lets it bother her. Suddenly, she falls on the sidewalk and scrapes her elbows and hands. A delivery truck drives by, hits a puddle and soaks her clothes while she is down. She quits for the day.
Each morning a new reason for not running comes up. She has a dental appointment. The weather is bad. The cat runs away. Stops, stops, stops.
She tells her family and friends, "I just didn't realize how tough it would be." "It's too cold and wet out there." "I probably should have given up long ago." The thought of running makes her tired.
Jill then learns the law about failed purposes. She thinks about ways she can fire up her original purpose. "All I wanted to do was enter and finish that stupid 25-mile run! Why did I want to do that? Oh yeah, it wasn't to prove anything. It wasn't to make people admire me. I wanted to run that race long before I lost the leg. I remember when I first saw people finishing the race on TV when I was in junior high school. I thought I should do that. It would be a really great thing to do. I would just prove to myself that I could run 25 miles. THAT was my purpose! I still want that!"
Within seconds, Jill feels great! She sees no reason she can't finish the 25-mile race. She changes her clothes and gets back into training. But this time, she is more determined than ever. "Nothing is going to stop me this time!" The stops have blown off.
Recommendations
1. What have you given up on? What goals did you once have, but now think are impossible? What purposes have failed?
2. FIRE THEM UP! What were your original reasons? Rekindle, renew and revive those original reasons.
3. Make the purposes stronger. Put more energy into them. Convince yourself that you can accomplish those purposes despite all the barriers. Notice what happens to all the "reasons" preventing that purpose.
4. Plan how you will reach these goals. Write down the steps. Focus on how you can succeed.
5. Make one small step toward the goal. Make another. Get some momentum going.
6. Each time you feel like quitting, change your mind and remember your reasons, your goals, your purposes.
7. You never fail until you decide to stop trying, so persist until you win!
"I have too many problems to reach my goals."
"I'm the wrong age/wrong race/wrong gender/wrong nationality."
"It seems too hard for me to do."
"I'd rather watch TV."
"Whatever made me think I could do that?"
"I'm sick of the whole thing."
"I simply can't do it."
"I'll do it some other time."
"I don't have enough energy."
"I didn't realize it would be this difficult."
"Like most people, I'll never reach my dreams."
"I've lost hope."
Once you start saying, "can't," you are on the downhill road to failure. "I can't do the project." "I can't pay my bills." "I can't succeed." Of course, barriers to success are part of society.
For example, most government regulations outline the things you cannot do. "You can't park there." "You can't keep that money." "Unless you follow these regulations, you can't . . . ." Pick up any law and notice how often the words "Prohibit," "Forbidden" and "Disallowed" occur while words like "Encouraged," "Allowed" and "Recommended" are absent.
Some employers like to act like governments and stop things. "You can't leave early." "You can't have more authority." "You can't do things your own way."
Businesses do it to customers. "We can't see you without an appointment." "I can't give you a discount if you pay in full." "Sorry, we cannot help you."
The real damage occurs when you stop yourself. "I can't handle more work." "I can't earn more money." "I can't change."
Have You Been Stopped?
When all you see in life are problems, you feel stopped. When you decide the forces in the universe are against you, you feel stopped. Whenever you feel like giving up, you feel stopped.
Why might you feel there are so many barriers to your progress?
"STOPS ALL OCCUR BECAUSE OF FAILED PURPOSES. BEHIND EVERY STOP THERE IS A FAILED PURPOSE." -- L. Ron Hubbard
The sequence goes like this:
1. You have a purpose to _________.
For example, do you remember some of your old purposes? Make $20 million. Raise a happy family. Tour Europe. Get involved in the community. Make a major contribution to society. Help people. Buy a mansion.
2. For one reason or other, you decide you have failed to achieve that purpose.
When you made some effort to achieve your purpose, you felt stopped. Maybe achieving the purpose turned out to be more difficult than you expected. Maybe you saw someone else fail. Perhaps you became afraid or lazy. Maybe someone got in your road.
3. You then invent or agree with stops or barriers to your purpose.
"It's too much work for me." "I need a better education first." "They don't want me to do this." "No one succeeds without lucky breaks." "I don't know what to do." "It's better to settle for less."
Some people go even lower and begin to oppose solutions: "Don't try to help me as it is impossible." "I tried all the solutions and none of them work." "No one has the answers." "You should give up, too."
You stop looking for ways to succeed. You avoid setting any goals at all. You feel very tired.
Fortunately, you can turn things around and reach your biggest goals.
The Law Regarding Failed Purposes
"THERE IS A LAW ABOUT THIS -- ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO RESTORE LIFE AND ACTION IS TO REKINDLE* THE FAILED PURPOSE. THE STOPS WILL AT ONCE BLOW." -- L. Ron Hubbard (rekindle: revive or renew)
A simple solution to a very big, difficult problem. Just fire up your original purpose and the stops or barriers magically disappear! Can it be that easy?
Example: Jill, an amateur athlete, wants to enter and finish a 25-mile marathon even though she lost a leg in an auto accident when she was a teenager. She starts to run every day with her prosthetic leg, but trips and falls every mile or so. People keep telling her, "You're so brave!" "I really admire you for trying." "I would have given up long ago." Finally, after missing a few runs, she decides it is too difficult.
She tries to run one morning anyway. Usually, her real leg has a slight cramp, but this morning it feels worse. Jill normally pushes through, but for some reason, she lets it bother her. Suddenly, she falls on the sidewalk and scrapes her elbows and hands. A delivery truck drives by, hits a puddle and soaks her clothes while she is down. She quits for the day.
Each morning a new reason for not running comes up. She has a dental appointment. The weather is bad. The cat runs away. Stops, stops, stops.
She tells her family and friends, "I just didn't realize how tough it would be." "It's too cold and wet out there." "I probably should have given up long ago." The thought of running makes her tired.
Jill then learns the law about failed purposes. She thinks about ways she can fire up her original purpose. "All I wanted to do was enter and finish that stupid 25-mile run! Why did I want to do that? Oh yeah, it wasn't to prove anything. It wasn't to make people admire me. I wanted to run that race long before I lost the leg. I remember when I first saw people finishing the race on TV when I was in junior high school. I thought I should do that. It would be a really great thing to do. I would just prove to myself that I could run 25 miles. THAT was my purpose! I still want that!"
Within seconds, Jill feels great! She sees no reason she can't finish the 25-mile race. She changes her clothes and gets back into training. But this time, she is more determined than ever. "Nothing is going to stop me this time!" The stops have blown off.
Recommendations
1. What have you given up on? What goals did you once have, but now think are impossible? What purposes have failed?
2. FIRE THEM UP! What were your original reasons? Rekindle, renew and revive those original reasons.
3. Make the purposes stronger. Put more energy into them. Convince yourself that you can accomplish those purposes despite all the barriers. Notice what happens to all the "reasons" preventing that purpose.
4. Plan how you will reach these goals. Write down the steps. Focus on how you can succeed.
5. Make one small step toward the goal. Make another. Get some momentum going.
6. Each time you feel like quitting, change your mind and remember your reasons, your goals, your purposes.
7. You never fail until you decide to stop trying, so persist until you win!
Get Anything You Want with ARC Affinity, Reality and Communication
"Understanding is composed of affinity, reality and communication." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Affinity: how well you like or love a person
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas
Part 4: ARC in Sales and Negotiations
Even if you are not a professional sales person or negotiator, you do sell and negotiate every day. For example, you might sell an idea to your boss, negotiate dinner plans with your spouse, sell your value as a worker to get a raise, negotiate a lease, convince someone to work for you, negotiate with your son to clean up his room and so on.
Unfortunately, many salespeople and negotiators are taught to treat prospects like the enemy. "Strip off their objections! Make them afraid to buy from anyone else! Push them into a corner! Take away their choices! Nail them to the wall! Push them hard until they agree!"
With the ARC Triangle, you put the relationship first and the sale second. You communicate with the person, have affinity for the person and then reach an agreement with the person. ARC is so powerful, it even makes bad salespeople into wonderful salespeople.
For example, if you try to sell something without first establishing good ARC, the prospect is not going to tell you how he or she feels.
"So are you ready to buy?"
"No, I want to think about it."
"What's there to think about?"
"None of your business."
If you are in good ARC, you get a different response.
"So are you ready to buy?"
"Well, I'm concerned about the price. Can you tell me again how your payment plan works?"
Salespeople with high ARC even get sales because of their excellent ARC! "She was just such a nice person, I couldn't say no."
Because ARC makes your relationships genuine, you do your best to reach an ethical, helpful agreement or sale. People then tell you, "I'm so glad we worked out a deal where we both win!" "If you hadn't helped me, I would have bought the wrong insurance policy." "You really helped us solve so many problems with our finances. Now we can move into this wonderful home. Thank you!"
How to Establish ARC with New Contacts
This sentence from The Problems of Work is very effective in sales and negotiations.
"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard
For example, if you are a smart car salesperson, you silently find something to like about the prospect as you approach. "I like how clean he keeps his car and how straight he stands." Because you have created a little affinity for the prospect, he or she will find it easier to have affinity for you.
Then, you find something on which to agree. "Quite a nice day we're having, would you say?" "Do you like the look of that new model?" "Can I show you around?"
When you attend business or social functions, you can make several new contacts with ARC. Simply walk up to someone, find something you like about him or her, then discover a point of agreement. "What do you like best about these gatherings?" "What is your opinion about _____(the meeting topic)_____?" "What business are you in?"
As a negotiator or deal maker, you have greater success when you first establish ARC with all parties. For example, when you first sit at the negotiation table, you look at each person and find something you like about each. "I like his suit, I like her hair, I like how bright he looks and I like how organized she is."
You then discuss something of which everyone can agree. "Does everyone agree that our goal today should be to find a deal that makes everyone happy?" "Is it okay with everyone if I control the discussions?" "Can everyone work on this for two full hours without interruption?"
Magically, because you start with ARC, you get more done in less time with greater results!
Recommendations
1. Write down a deal you would like to make or an item you would like to sell this week.
2. Write down how you will establish ARC with the people involved.
3. Go do it!
Affinity: how well you like or love a person
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas
Part 4: ARC in Sales and Negotiations
Even if you are not a professional sales person or negotiator, you do sell and negotiate every day. For example, you might sell an idea to your boss, negotiate dinner plans with your spouse, sell your value as a worker to get a raise, negotiate a lease, convince someone to work for you, negotiate with your son to clean up his room and so on.
Unfortunately, many salespeople and negotiators are taught to treat prospects like the enemy. "Strip off their objections! Make them afraid to buy from anyone else! Push them into a corner! Take away their choices! Nail them to the wall! Push them hard until they agree!"
With the ARC Triangle, you put the relationship first and the sale second. You communicate with the person, have affinity for the person and then reach an agreement with the person. ARC is so powerful, it even makes bad salespeople into wonderful salespeople.
For example, if you try to sell something without first establishing good ARC, the prospect is not going to tell you how he or she feels.
"So are you ready to buy?"
"No, I want to think about it."
"What's there to think about?"
"None of your business."
If you are in good ARC, you get a different response.
"So are you ready to buy?"
"Well, I'm concerned about the price. Can you tell me again how your payment plan works?"
Salespeople with high ARC even get sales because of their excellent ARC! "She was just such a nice person, I couldn't say no."
Because ARC makes your relationships genuine, you do your best to reach an ethical, helpful agreement or sale. People then tell you, "I'm so glad we worked out a deal where we both win!" "If you hadn't helped me, I would have bought the wrong insurance policy." "You really helped us solve so many problems with our finances. Now we can move into this wonderful home. Thank you!"
How to Establish ARC with New Contacts
This sentence from The Problems of Work is very effective in sales and negotiations.
"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard
For example, if you are a smart car salesperson, you silently find something to like about the prospect as you approach. "I like how clean he keeps his car and how straight he stands." Because you have created a little affinity for the prospect, he or she will find it easier to have affinity for you.
Then, you find something on which to agree. "Quite a nice day we're having, would you say?" "Do you like the look of that new model?" "Can I show you around?"
When you attend business or social functions, you can make several new contacts with ARC. Simply walk up to someone, find something you like about him or her, then discover a point of agreement. "What do you like best about these gatherings?" "What is your opinion about _____(the meeting topic)_____?" "What business are you in?"
As a negotiator or deal maker, you have greater success when you first establish ARC with all parties. For example, when you first sit at the negotiation table, you look at each person and find something you like about each. "I like his suit, I like her hair, I like how bright he looks and I like how organized she is."
You then discuss something of which everyone can agree. "Does everyone agree that our goal today should be to find a deal that makes everyone happy?" "Is it okay with everyone if I control the discussions?" "Can everyone work on this for two full hours without interruption?"
Magically, because you start with ARC, you get more done in less time with greater results!
Recommendations
1. Write down a deal you would like to make or an item you would like to sell this week.
2. Write down how you will establish ARC with the people involved.
3. Go do it!
The Ultimate New Relationship Tool Affinity, Reality and Communication (ARC)
“The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living
associations.” -- L. Ron Hubbard
Affinity: how well you like or love a person.
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real.
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas.
ARC Triangle: A triangle formed by affinity, reality and communication. When you raise one of the three points, the other two rise as well. When you lower one point, the other two drop.
Understanding: The combined result of affinity, reality and communication.
Part 3: How to Use ARC to Form New Relationships
Wouldn’t it be great if you could become fast friends with nearly everyone you met? If you could make people like you right away? If you could earn the support from everyone you wished to have support from?
For example, you could get strangers to agree with you within a few minutes. You could get the leaders in your field to listen to you and give you whatever you needed. You could earn respect from your coworkers, staff, colleagues, friends and family.
You can do all of these things with ARC. You start by using communication. Simply follow two steps:
"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard (from The Problems of Work)
For example, you want to form a business relationship with a business owner. You invite him to lunch. Where do you start?
1. Find something you like about the owner. You look him over and decide he has a nice smile and good looking shoes. You have some affinity for him. This step is done.
2. Discuss something with which he can agree. He mentions that he hates the hot weather outside. You say, “I can’t stand the heat either, but my wife loves it.” He says, “My wife likes it too. Something is wrong with them.” You both laugh.
You can also ask questions to find something with which to agree. What has he been doing lately? How is his business going? What does he like about his field? What does he do for fun? Does he have any children?
Maybe you learn he loves to play tennis, has trouble with a government regulation and worries about his father’s health. You also have trouble with the same government regulation and so you discuss it. Your ARC with the business owner goes up.
As another example, you are waiting for your flight to Chicago at an airport. You decide to establish ARC with the business woman sitting next to you. First you find something you like about her, perhaps her red-leather briefcase.
So you say, "Nice briefcase!" She smiles and nods. Your affinity is established. You then find something with which she can agree. "Are you from Chicago?" She starts to communicate. You find points of agreement. You have ARC and perhaps a new business relationship.
If you are single and want to meet someone new, these two steps are great for breaking the ice with the opposite sex, even if you feel shy. For example, you notice someone you want to meet in a bookstore. He or she is looking at magazines. You do the first step and find something you like, such as this person’s hair, shoes and voice. You suddenly feel less shy. You then find something with which you can agree. “I need a good magazines. Which ones do you like best?” “I see you like gardening magazines. Me too. Have you seen this one?”
You can use this formula to form relationships with people who are difficult for you to understand. Say you get on that airplane for a long flight to Chicago and are assigned to sit next to a body-pierced, tattooed, pimply-faced teenager with McDonalds Big Mac breath. You follow the formula and find something to like about him: he has a beautiful sunset picture on his t-shirt. You feel a little better about the fellow. You find something with which he can agree. "Where did you get that great shirt?" "What do you like to do after school?" "That is quite a tattoo you have." Before long, you have enough ARC with this teenager to enjoy sitting next to him for the flight.
Recommendations
1. List all the people or types of people with whom you want to form a relationship.
2. Work out a way to use the two steps with each of them:
"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Give it a try!
Affinity: how well you like or love a person.
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real.
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas.
ARC Triangle: A triangle formed by affinity, reality and communication. When you raise one of the three points, the other two rise as well. When you lower one point, the other two drop.
Understanding: The combined result of affinity, reality and communication.
Part 3: How to Use ARC to Form New Relationships
Wouldn’t it be great if you could become fast friends with nearly everyone you met? If you could make people like you right away? If you could earn the support from everyone you wished to have support from?
For example, you could get strangers to agree with you within a few minutes. You could get the leaders in your field to listen to you and give you whatever you needed. You could earn respect from your coworkers, staff, colleagues, friends and family.
You can do all of these things with ARC. You start by using communication. Simply follow two steps:
"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard (from The Problems of Work)
For example, you want to form a business relationship with a business owner. You invite him to lunch. Where do you start?
1. Find something you like about the owner. You look him over and decide he has a nice smile and good looking shoes. You have some affinity for him. This step is done.
2. Discuss something with which he can agree. He mentions that he hates the hot weather outside. You say, “I can’t stand the heat either, but my wife loves it.” He says, “My wife likes it too. Something is wrong with them.” You both laugh.
You can also ask questions to find something with which to agree. What has he been doing lately? How is his business going? What does he like about his field? What does he do for fun? Does he have any children?
Maybe you learn he loves to play tennis, has trouble with a government regulation and worries about his father’s health. You also have trouble with the same government regulation and so you discuss it. Your ARC with the business owner goes up.
As another example, you are waiting for your flight to Chicago at an airport. You decide to establish ARC with the business woman sitting next to you. First you find something you like about her, perhaps her red-leather briefcase.
So you say, "Nice briefcase!" She smiles and nods. Your affinity is established. You then find something with which she can agree. "Are you from Chicago?" She starts to communicate. You find points of agreement. You have ARC and perhaps a new business relationship.
If you are single and want to meet someone new, these two steps are great for breaking the ice with the opposite sex, even if you feel shy. For example, you notice someone you want to meet in a bookstore. He or she is looking at magazines. You do the first step and find something you like, such as this person’s hair, shoes and voice. You suddenly feel less shy. You then find something with which you can agree. “I need a good magazines. Which ones do you like best?” “I see you like gardening magazines. Me too. Have you seen this one?”
You can use this formula to form relationships with people who are difficult for you to understand. Say you get on that airplane for a long flight to Chicago and are assigned to sit next to a body-pierced, tattooed, pimply-faced teenager with McDonalds Big Mac breath. You follow the formula and find something to like about him: he has a beautiful sunset picture on his t-shirt. You feel a little better about the fellow. You find something with which he can agree. "Where did you get that great shirt?" "What do you like to do after school?" "That is quite a tattoo you have." Before long, you have enough ARC with this teenager to enjoy sitting next to him for the flight.
Recommendations
1. List all the people or types of people with whom you want to form a relationship.
2. Work out a way to use the two steps with each of them:
"The way to talk to a man, then, would be to find something to like about him and to discuss something with which he can agree." -- L. Ron Hubbard
Give it a try!
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