"I" Is For Influence: Your Friends Influence You


JULY SPECIAL
"The first time you say something, it's heard. The second time, it's recognized, and the third time it's learned" - John C. Maxwell



Influence is the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself. Someone said once that, "your life will be a sum total of the books you read and the friends you keep."



In any relationship you experience either of the following:

(a) CORRUPTION: "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners, and  "...a companion of fools shall be destroyed."  Or,

(b)  PROMOTION: "He that walks with wise men shall be wise."

If you do not desire the influence someone will bring into your life, then do not make them your friend because, like it or not, FRIENDSHIP IS INFLUENCE. Have you noticed how an individual enters a new neighborhood and after sometime he begins to speak with their accent? That is called "Influence". As long as you fraternize with people, you must gradually begin to dress like them, talk like them, behave like them, and think like them.

As a young boy I grew up in a  poor neighborhood in Nsukka. Violence, crime and drugs were a very common sight. It was therefore only natural for people to very early in life find themselves lost in alcohol and smoking even when they know it was a very dangerous path to follow in life, but it was  reality. I particularly wondered then why people loved smoking even when they could still attest to the fact that that stuff was so bitter in the mouth. But because they needed to belong and all their friends smoked so who are they to change the rules? 

How would I flow with my guys if I didn't do what they did? It took a lot from me to resist it.

R- RESPECT. FRIENDSHIP IS RESPECT



The story is told of a father of five who came home with a toy; he summoned his children and asked which one should be given the present. "Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mom and does everything he or she is told to do?" He inquired. There was silence, and then a chorus of voices: "You can play with it daddy!"

Respect is a fast disappearing culture in this century even amongst families. And  it is worse amongst friends . It was  Charles de Gaulle who said, “There can be no prestige without mystery, for familiarity breeds contempt.”


One of the top 3 destroyers of friendships anywhere in the world is the Lack of Respect arising from over-familiarity.  Jason Zebehazy wrote, " Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and familiarity breeds contempt. According to this my soulmate should be in Thailand.” 

R Is For Reliability



"A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy. Let a man be one thing or the other, and we then know how to meet him." - Aesop.

In the real world, there is no such thing as a self-sufficient, super-capable superman, who tied his own boot strap and succeeded by his own personal efforts. We all need someone to succeed. We all need someone to lend us his shoulder for us to climb to our next level. It is called affirmation. No great man could succeed without it. It always takes the affirmation of another great man.

 When was the last time a friend got a job, passed an exam, secured a favour, got a break through or survived a difficult time in life because of you. As Arnold H. Glasow puts it, "A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down" Can you keep the secrets of a friend especially after you ceased being friends? Unfortunately in life "The shifts of fortune test the reliability of friends." It was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said "When friendships are real, they are not glass threads or frost work, but the solidest things we can know."

A Friend Knows All, And Loves You Still



Using F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P as an acronym in the next couple of days let me share with you on the Laws of friendship.

F= FOCUS: FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN GIVE TO THE FRIENDSHIP, NOT ON WHAT THE FRIENDSHIP CAN GIVE TO YOU. The first law of love is GIVE, not TAKE.

As humans we are all naturally selfish. We all need someone to love us, care for us, encourage us and fight for us. And quite honestly there is nothing wrong with desiring all these, except that, imagine that both you and your friend came into the relationship to TAKE all these and more from the other. Naturally, you will soon be tearing at each other's throat demanding for your own portion of love, care etc. But imagine that you both came to GIVE all that and more. Soon there will be abundance of love, care etc. and because both of you are trying to out give the other, the relationship is constantly enriched and overflowing in love, care etc. The truth, however, is that like life itself, (where to live, you must GIVE OUT carbon dioxide and TAKE IN oxygen) so in friendship we must both give and RECEIVE (not DEMAND) whilst we FOCUS on our  primary responsibility on what we BRING  to the table. To enter a relationship with the goal to TAKE is the almighty formula for disappointments, heart breaks and self pity. You are hanging your joy on a man like you and the arms of flesh will fail you.

Cultivating Friendships:

Be A Good Friend!

Friendship is a powerful aspect of the human existence.  No man is poor who has friends, and no man is rich who does not have friends.  But, of course the meaning of friendship may differ from person to person and culture to culture.  In recent times, people are moving towards social isolation. People now work from their homes; most people shop online; others have their goods delivered at their doors. We now bank online and get enough entertainment on cable. We no longer create opportunities to cultivate social skills; people now live in loneliness and emptiness. But the truth is we are created for friendships. As the popular sage goes, "No man is an island".

A man came home to find his house in disarray, he proceeded to the bedroom to find his wife frantically pulling drawers and throwing things all over the room. "What's going on honey?" he asked "I can't find it," she replied. "Can't find what?" the confused husband asked but the woman didn't reply. She kept on throwing things around. The man walked over to her and gripped her shoulders. "Look at me. Look at me." The woman burst into tears. "Calm down. Take a deep breath, breathe". The woman stopped sobbing and looked into her husband's eyes. "What are you looking for?" he asks calmly. "I can't send holiday greetings to our friends," she said amidst sobs. "Why not? Don't you do that every year?" the husband asked. "No, not that," the wife said in frustration. "I can't find the card list" "the card list?" the still confused husband asks "I don't know who our friends are without it. Do you?" The man looked away thoughtfully and took a beep breath, "well then, send to only our parents, at least we remember who they are." 

Humility in Love

It is never those who boast that draws our hearts. It is never those who are proud.

But we are drawn to those who never think too highly of themselves. Those who can always seem to think of something good in others around them.

It is not lack of confidence. It isn’t low self-esteem.

But it is in a soul that doesn’t even need to lift oneself up or to gain the regard of others. It is in that kind of confidence that doesn’t even need to think of oneself too often or too much.

Instead of focusing on themselves, they are intent on finding the good in others, too. They are keen to see their beauty.

They are those who are not afraid to praise other men, those who are not afraid to admit that someone can be better in this or that skill, or in this or that virtue.

Love occupies their hearts so much that there isn’t room for that kind of fear. What’s present is much room for thanksgiving and appreciation, and much room indeed for trust in God from whom all good things come from.

Here is your harvest. To believe oneself imperfect and others perfect – this is true happiness. Should earthly creatures think you devoid of holiness, they rob you of nothing, and you are none the poorer: it is they who lose. For is there anything more sweet than the inward joy of thinking well of our neighbor? – St. Therese of Lisieux

Love Creates




Evil can never truly create something good. All it can accomplish is to destroy what is valuable. It tends to corrupt what is pure. It goes forth to darkness and to its own destruction.

To be able to create something good and beautiful is always a power that comes from love.  When we love, we overflow in joy and in every sort of goodness. This goodness overflows and extends beyond ourselves. It seeks to express itself, to communicate its affection, and to render all things capable of receiving the same light it has found.

For by him all things were created, in the heavens and on the earth, things visible and things invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers; all things have been created through him, and for him. – Colossians 1:16, WEB

Happy Endings


“It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end… because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing… this shadow. Even darkness must pass.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers
We need to believe in happy endings once again. We need to believe that light can overcome darkness and that good will always triumph over evil in the end.
It is not wishful thinking. It is hope. And in times of despair and trouble, hope needs to be rekindled in our hearts.
We have learned much of the valuable things when we were children. We only need to remember once again, to see the world again with eyes that know how to dream and hearts that know how to fight to make such dreams come true.
The world we grew up to may be complicated, but the most important things remain simple, and heaven is always within the grasp of a little child.
Things are not perfect yet but they will be. Times are troublesome, but all such troubles shall end.
In God, we never hope in vain.
I heard a loud voice out of heaven saying, “Behold, God’s dwelling is with people, and he will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away from them every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; neither will there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more. The first things have passed away.” – Revelations 21:3-4, WEB

Our Little Sacrifices

“For, in regard to that little of your will which you now willingly forsake, you shall forever have your will in Heaven. For there you shall find all that you will, all that you can desire. There you shall enjoy the possession of every good without fear of losing it… 


There no one shall resist you, no one shall complain of you, none shall obstruct you, nothing shall stand in your way: but every good that you desire shall be present at the same time, and shall replenish all your affections, and fully satiate them.” – The Imitation of Christ

Sometimes, you have to let go of the little things so you can gain what’s truly important. You have to learn to overlook many of your neighbors’ little faults as you want them to overlook yours.

We are not perfect yet and even with the best of intentions, we may not please everyone.
Let us learn to be more patient then as we try to see others in their best light.

The little sacrifices we make can add up to a big difference in our relationships. It is like oil that reduces a lot of friction in our daily life. It is like a little seed that will eventually grow into a sturdy tree where we can seek shelter beneath the fiercest storms.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” – Matthew 16:24, WEB

WAIT AND BELIEVE!




Wonderful things can happen at the least expected time. Blessed are those who wait.
Blessed are those who wait upon the Lord, whose expectations come from Him. They shall not be put to shame, neither shall they be disappointed.
For they have put their trust in Him who alone can be trusted. And they have set their eyes on Him who alone can satisfy.
Despise not the time for waiting. We may not see it with our eyes, but beautiful things happen even while we wait.
“O taste, and see that the Lord is sweet: blessed is the man that hopeth in him.” – Psalm 34:8

THE LORD IS NEAR



The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. – Psalm 34:18, WEB
Just when you think God is so far away, believe, because He is ever near. He is there with you – closer than you could ever think.
For He watches over you and He knows your sorrow, He shares your every hurt. Right where it hurts the most, He is there. Right where it is darkest, He walks with you and gives you strength.
You may not know how you can still heal from all the pain, but hold on! Though you may not know, trust there is One who can make you whole again.
You may not see how life could be bright again, but take heart! There is One who can lift you up from your deepest falls.
He knows what it’s like to be broken, what it’s like to be crushed from within. Had He not been deserted by His closest friends and betrayed by those whom He trusted? Had He not been accused unjustly and scorned by those whom He healed?
We have a friend who is closer to us than we think. He understands our tears more than anyone ever could, and if we could only trust Him, He will do everything to wipe them all away.
Child, speak no more of your misery; it is already forgotten. Listen, My child, to what I desire to tell you. Come close to My wounds and draw from the Fountain of Life whatever your heart desires. -Diary of Divine Mercy

SEEDS OF LOVE


You can always plant seeds of love. But you must leave the harvest to God. – Jocelyn Soriano

Let us make it a habit to plant seeds of love and kindness wherever we may go. Let us plant some in our workplace and in our travels. Let us plant some where we meet our neighbors and where we praise and worship God. And let us never forget to plant some in our homes, within our family circle and our friends, and ask God to bless such seeds which only He can help to grow.

We may not see too quickly the fruits of the good we do, but let us continue to believe that we never labor in vain. For true love and charity takes root deep within the heart and changes the soul. It grows unseen until it blossoms from grace known to God alone.

Let’s not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don’t give up. – Galatians 6:9, WEB