The Ultimate Relationship Repair Tool (Affinity, Reality and Communication)

“Without affinity, there is no reality or communication. Without reality, there is no affinity or communication. Without communication, there is neither affinity nor reality. Now, these are sweeping statements, but are nevertheless very valuable and are true.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Affinity: how well you like or love a person.
Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real.
Communication: your exchange of information and ideas.
Understanding: The combined result of affinity, reality and communication.

By increasing ARC, you can significantly improve your relationships at work and at home, find new friends, make more sales, negotiate better deals, lead your group more effectively and help more people. You will be selected as the best person for a date, for promotions at work, big contracts for your business or whatever you want most from life. Using this tool gives you more self-confidence, greater peace of mind and an improved view of yourself.

Part 1 in this series explains how the ARC Triangle works and how you can increase the amount of ARC you have with someone.  Part 2 explains how you can repair upsets you have with others.

Part 2: Breaks in the ARC Triangle

Whenever you feel upset with someone, you have a broken triangle or an "ARC break." Every argument, fight or break up includes an ARC break. Everyone who once liked you and now seeks revenge against you, tries to get even with you or hopes you fail has an ARC break with you.

"The ARC break will vanish magically when the source is found." -- L. Ron Hubbard

You simply find and restore the broken point of the triangle. When did the upset begin? Which point of the triangle had a sudden drop?

Did you suddenly dislike the person (A)?

Did you have a disagreement (R)?

Did you have a communication problem (C)?

Once you spot the problem, you can repair it. If you fix the right problem, the sun shines, the birds sing and everything goes back to normal.

Example: Your accountant calls and says, "I’m sorry to tell you this, but I made a mistake. You need $10,000 by the end of the week to pay your taxes or you’ll get a $5000 penalty.”

You say, "You idiot! I don’t have that kind of money. How could you do this to me!" You hang up. You feel betrayed. You decide the accountant is an enemy and that you should not talk to him again.

Later, you still feel upset. You try to feel better, but you cannot. So you examine the problem to determine if the break in the ARC triangle is A, R or C.

You realize the problem is not that you dislike the accountant, but that your reality is shaken. You disagree with this new reality of owing taxes. This break in the R point of the triangle makes you want less communication. Of course, the A or Affinity point is therefore dropped as well.

Now that you know the problem is a break in reality, you calm down and decide to handle it. You call and say, "Sorry I hung up on you Peter, but the news was a shock to me. You need to explain this as it’s so unreal to me.” Within seconds, you and your accountant work out a solution.

When People Get Upset with You


When someone gets upset with you, you can use your knowledge of the ARC triangle to resolve the problem. For example, Fred, an old friend of yours, is acting odd on the phone. He doesn’t say much and won’t talk to you. You think back and try to determine if the problem is with A, R or C.

You ask yourself, “Did we suddenly dislike each other? No. Did we disagree about something? No. Did we have a communication problem?”

You realize you forgot to return Fred’s call last month (a break in communication) so you say, "I’m really sorry I didn’t call you back last month." Fred suddenly says, “Yeah! Call me when I leave a message so I don’t have to come over there and throw eggs at you, okay?” You both laugh.

As another example, you have been negotiating a contract with Pam and your last offer made her so mad she broke off the meeting and stormed out. Without your knowledge of ARC you might give up on the deal or start using intermediaries.

Instead, you look over the situation and evaluate the ARC. Which point is the most damaged? You realize the R or reality point went bad as no one can agree. How can you repair this break in reality?

You could raise the communication point by trying to call, but that does not seem appropriate. You could send a cheerful greeting card to increase the affinity, but that doesn't sound right either. You want Pam to realize there are more points of agreement than disagreement.

So you fax her a list that describes all the many points of agreement already established along with a request that she calls you when ready to complete the negotiation.

Your telephone rings 10 minutes later. Pam starts the conversation with an apology.

Suggestions

1. Are you currently upset with anyone?

2. If so, which of the three points of the ARC triangle do you think is broken? Is it broken because you dislike the person? Because you disagree with the person? Because you failed to communicate with the person?

3. How could you repair the break? What steps could you take?

4. Take those steps today!

5. Repeat the above four steps for other people you may be upset with.

6. Repeat with anyone who may be upset with you.

7. Repeat with anyone in your past with whom you wish to rekindle a relationship.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

The Ultimate Success Tool Get Anything You Want with ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication)

By using this powerful tool, you can form a meaningful relationship with anyone you like. Based on these relationships, you can get the raise, promotion, sale, contract, friendship, marriage, support or cooperation you need.


“The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations.” -- L. Ron Hubbard


ARC (pronounced as A-R-C, not “ark”) forms the basis for all of your relationships. L. Ron Hubbard discovered the rules and uses of ARC during the 1950s.

Every relationship has three parts:

Affinity: how much you like or love a person

Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real

Communication: your exchange of information and ideas

These three parts interact with each other and so form a triangle.

Part 1: How ARC Works

Purdue University did a study a few years ago to determine why some of their graduates succeeded and others did not. After several years of analyzing the success of their engineering students, Purdue came to the following conclusions:

"The average salary of the students with the highest grades was only slightly higher than the average salary of all the graduates. The salaries of the most popular students, the ones with the good personalities, were much higher than the average of all students. Also, their salaries were much higher than the students with the highest grades."

A popular personality is based on ARC. When you have good ARC with people, they understand you, believe in you, trust you, help you and feel good about you. ARC is such a powerful tool that the simple lack of ARC results in upsets, distrust, hatred and attacks.


"Understanding is composed of affinity, reality and communication." -- L. Ron Hubbard


The ARC Triangle gives you a deeper understanding of people. When you truly understand your spouse, children, boss, coworkers, employees, customers, clients, neighbors and friends, you can help them, talk to them, reach more agreements and enjoy their company more than ever before.

You have more ARC for some people than others. For example, you have high ARC with a coworker or colleague if you like the person (Affinity), can talk about many subjects (Communication) and agree on many subjects (Reality). You understand this person and this person understands you.

You probably also know someone with whom you have low ARC. You cannot agree on things (Reality), you do not like the person very much (Affinity) and you do not communicate.

In Part One of this series of articles on ARC, you will learn how you can easily increase your ARC with anyone.

How to Increase ARC with Anyone


"The triangle of affinity, reality and communication could be called an interactive triangle in that no point of it can be raised without affecting the other two points and raising them, and no point of it can be lowered without affecting the other two points." -- L. Ron Hubbard

So all you need to do is decide which point of the triangle you can increase and the other two points automatically rise!

In other words, if you increase the volume or quality of communication you have with someone, you are raising the C point of the triangle. As a result, the A point and the R point both rise. If you simply talk about anything to a person for enough time (C), the person likes you more (A) and agrees with you more (R).

For example, you meet a new fellow at work named Richard and instantly dislike him. Maybe his attitude or appearance rubs you the wrong way. You really don’t want to communicate with him (C) or to agree on any reality with him (R). There is little or no understanding.

However, you decide you need to understand Richard so you can work with him. So you ask yourself, “Which of the three points can I raise?” You decide to work on the C part of the triangle and just start talking to him. “Where did you work before?” “How long have you lived in this area?” “Do you have any kids?”

As a result of your communication, you find out he has three kids about the same age as your kids. You share a reality here and so you chat about children. You find yourself agreeing with Richard. Within a few minutes, you realize you like Richard. You understand each other better than before. You look forward to working with him.

As another example, you want to have more ARC and a better understanding of Stella. Stella could be your boss, an important client, a potential mate or other valuable contact. You currently know little about Stella, but have scheduled to meet with her for lunch.

During lunch, you notice Stella is not talking very much. She rarely looks at you and barely smiles. You realize the Communication point of the triangle is not very good with Stella. The Affinity point is also weak as she does not seem to like you very much. So you decide to raise the Reality point of the triangle. You look for things to agree on. “How do you relax after work?” “What kind of exercise do you like?” “Do you have a vacation coming up?”

Stella mentions she loves sailboats and you happen to be a sailboat fanatic. Because of this shared Reality point of the triangle, you and Stella suddenly have a lot to talk about. After several minutes of sailboat chat, you notice she is smiling at you and you feel a higher level Affinity for her.

As a final example, you want a better relationship with your spouse. You have not been talking very much lately and seem to disagree more often than before. You decide to increase the Affinity point of the triangle in your marriage.

Before you go home, you decide to just feel more Affinity. You think of all the things you like about your spouse. After a few minutes, your mood improves and you look forward to going home.

At home, you give your spouse a big smile. You hug and kiss your spouse. At first, he or she is a little shocked, but soon starts to return the affection and your Affinity point rises. You talk about your day’s events (C) and agree (R) on your plans for the evening. Your ARC Triangle is higher than it has been for a while.

This is the power of ARC. With this knowledge, you can rehabilitate or create a wonderful relationship with anyone.

Recommendations

1. Write down something you want. Do not limit yourself to money or physical objects, but consider new opportunities, powerful contacts, new or deeper friendships, contracts or deals, promotions, projects you want to do and so on.

2. List the names of people who can help you get it.

3. Decide which point of the triangle you can increase with each person: Affinity, Reality or Communication.

4. Increase that one point with each person until the other two points of the triangle increase.

5. Continue to increase your ARC Triangle with each person until you reach your objective.

In future articles, we will cover more ways you can use this powerful tool to form friendships with strangers, become a better leader, negotiate better deals, increase your success at work, improve your marriage and boost your self confidence.

What Makes You Happy?

What makes you satisfied and content? Why do you get bored? Where is the joy in life?

"Happiness could be defined as the emotion of progress toward desirable goals. There is an instant of contemplation* of the last goal in which one is content. But contentment becomes boredom immediately that new goals do not come to view. There is no more unhappy thing than a man who has accomplished all his ends in life." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*contemplation = thoughtful observation; meditation)

Let's examine three parts of this definition.


1. "There is an instant of contemplation of the last goal in which one is content."

Think of goals you have reached in the past. How did you feel right after your wedding? When you got your first job? When you graduated from school?

Take a fast second to contemplate the last goal you reached. Perhaps you now feel content?

2. "But contentment becomes boredom immediately that new goals do not come to view."

For example, planning a vacation is exciting. But toward the end of a vacation many people are bored as they no longer have a goal.

Arguments during honeymoons are common, if the newlyweds do not set goals for their marriage.

Planning your retirement and the first day of retirement is a thrill. But the joy of freedom quickly turns to boredom and early death if you do not work on new goals.

"There is no more unhappy thing than a man who has accomplished all his ends in life."

Think of a time you were very bored. Had you completed a major goal without starting a new one?


3. "Happiness could be defined as the emotion of progress toward desirable goals."

We can use this definition to understand unhappiness as well. When were you last unhappy?

In each case, you probably

1) had no goal,

2) were trying to reach an undesirable goal, or

3) you were making no progress toward a goal.

Making yourself happy is not difficult. Simply chose desirable goals and make progress toward them!
Give it a Try!

First, select a desirable goal. If you don't have a desirable goal, make one up. What do you really desire?

Second, write down ONE SINGLE THING you can do right now toward this goal. It has to be an action step. Not thinking about it or talking about it. Actual physical motion.

Next, do it! Take that one step right now. Make some small, but real progress. You might be surprised at how easy it is.

Finally, notice if making this little bit of progress makes you happier.

Brilliant Ideas Are Old Ideas

George was tired of being broke.

Every day was a struggle. "How will I pay my bills? I'm going deeper into debt.

I can't afford to buy anything."

So George constantly worked on new ways to make money.

"If I could invent a new can opener, all my money problems would be over."

"Maybe I could sell funny hats on the Internet."

"If I found some investors, I could open a new underwater restaurant."

George had tried a few ideas, such as manufacturing a razor blade that never got dull, building the world's largest tree swing and a selling lamps made of salt.

All his new ventures had failed.

To survive, he had to work at McDonald's as an assistant manager.

George felt he should solve his money problems with new ideas.

Unfortunately, unproven ideas are often wrong.

Affluence



"Affluence* Attainment, consists of: ... Doing the things that won, not new things untried as yet." -- L. Ron Hubbard
(Affluence: abundance; wealth)

You enjoy affluence, not from new ideas, but from things that have already worked.

George decides to try out this approach. He asks himself, "What has made me money in the past?"

He lists the following:

* Selling shoes at a store paid $350 per week.

* Selling sunglasses at weekend festivals paid $1000per weekend.

* Buying old cars, fixing them up and selling them.


The last car he restored, a 1961 Ford Mustang, earned $1500 profit with two weeks of work.

* Working at McDonald's pays $560 per week.

George realizes he can go back to his two best-paying jobs immediately: sunglasses and car restoration.

He convinces the sunglass company to give him 200 pairs on credit so he can sell them at an outdoor market that weekend. He then finds a wrecked 1988 Mercedes and makes a deal to buy it for $500, on credit.

George quits his McDonald's job. He makes $800 selling sunglasses that weekend. He spends three weeks on the Mercedes and sells it for $4500.


George uses old, proven ideas to boost his income.


How Businesses Achieve Affluence


When a business sticks to proven ideas, and avoids untried methods, it usually succeeds.

For example, the owner of an auto dealership notices his car sales are dropping.

His marketing director says, "We need a new TV commercial.

Let's use elephants! We've never tried it before. It'll be great!"

The smart owner says, "Let's wait on the elephants. Instead, find which of our old commercials worked best.

What made our sales jump up?"

The marketing director comes back the next day and says, "I hate to tell you this, but our best TV commercial is that one of you wearing diapers and crying. You swore to never show that commercial again."

The owner says, "I hate that commercial. Oh well, show it again. In fact, buy twice as many time slots!


And schedule the film crew to shoot a new commercial with me in the diaper.

I'm really going to cry this time!"

Car sales and income jump to new levels.

Doing things that won is essential to good business.

Copying Ideas

If you do not have anything that has made you succeed in the past, you must still avoid new ideas. Instead, do things that worked for others.

For example, you want a career helping people and making a decent income. You write down the careers of everyone you know. You realize your uncle Jay, who is a dentist, helps a lot of people and makes an excellent income.

You take your uncle to lunch and ask how he became a successful dentist.

As another example, you want a successful marriage and family. You find who has been happily married for a long time and has a successful family.

You learn all you can about what helped them succeed and then copy their ideas.


If you want to succeed in any kind of job or business, interview the people who are succeeding. Find out what worked for them.

Use these ideas as they are proven, not untried as yet. Luckily, most successful people enjoy talking about their success secrets and do not worry about competition.


Doing things that won for you or others is reliable route to success.

Four Steps to Boost Your Income


1. Make a list of income ideas you are using that are new and unproven.

2. Work out a plan to drop these idea.

3. Make a list of income ideas that have worked for you or others.

4. Next to each item on both lists, write down how you can use these ideas to boost your income.